


All That's Left Is A Ghost Of You

by TheLadySif



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: A Bit Not Good, Astral Projection?, Canon Divergence - Post-Thor (2011), Canonical Character Death, Descent into Madness, F/M, Funeral, Ghosts?, Hallucinations?, Implied/Referenced Torture, Is someone going crazy?, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, Loki Has Issues, Not Really Character Death, Odin's A+ Parenting, Prisoner Loki, Psychological Torture, Sif Feels, Temporary Character Death, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Thor Feels, Thor Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:07:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2417813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadySif/pseuds/TheLadySif
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Loki's fall off the Bifrost, someone starts to wonder if he really is dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Don't Like Walking Around This Old & Empty House

**Author's Note:**

> There was this Loki/Sif video on youtube that I really liked. The description of the video was that after Loki fell, Sif couldn't deal with his death and saw him everywhere, eventually letting herself become mad enough to believe he was still there and never fell from the Bifrost. Sadly, it is no longer on youtube and I cannot find where it has gone. (I believe it was called Loki/Sif - My Love). > Part of my inspiration comes from this video but my idea is different as you will see.

Once Upon A Very Long Time Ago...

Frigga could hear the yells of her children before she saw them.

"You're being too loud!"

"I'm not the loud one! You are!"

"Well you're the ugly one!"

"Says the pot to the kettle!"

"What did you just call me?!"

Frigga stood in the doorway and cleared her throat to announce her arrival. The two young boys froze and turned around to look at their mother standing in the doorway. "The both of you were supposed to be in bed over an hour ago."

"He was keeping me away with his reading. He always has to keep the light on to read and I can't sleep with the light on." Thor complained to their mother first before Loki could get a word in.

"I can't fall asleep without a good story first. It's his own fault that he's chosen to sleep in the same room as me." Loki countered and Thor gave him a glare.

"This was my room first. You should get your own room!" Thor countered, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"That's enough!" Frigga interrupted the both of them. "The both of you have your studies tomorrow and if you stay up any longer, you will regret it in the morning. Perhaps the two of you are beginning to be old enough to not have to share a room but you both must prove you can handle your own rooms. No more staying up late to read or running around out of your beds." She told the both of them and the two slumped as if they had been defeated. "If you can do that, then you both can pick your new rooms. Is that fair?"

"I guess so..."

"That's fine by me..."

Frigga walked over to them both and gave them hugs. "Now, get in your beds and I will tell you a bed time tale."

"Does it have fighting and monsters?" Thor inquired, climbing into his bed and staring at his mother happily.

"I don't want to hear about monsters. What if they're real? What if one is hiding under my bed?" Loki whined as he crawled into bed.

"They're just stories, Loki. The monsters aren't real." Frigga assured him but Loki still looked a bit uncertain. "I promise you that no monster is going to harm you. I'll keep them away from you. My tale tonight is about a man who coveted six powerful stones."

* * *

_He could feel himself falling but he could not see. Darkness had engulfed him merely moments after letting go and falling into the abyss. He felt so cold, colder than he had ever felt in his life. He had tried to summon a little ball of light but the darkness had stolen that from him too. He could feel himself falling endlessly. He wished for this to end. He closed his eyes and wished and wished for the darkness and falling to end._

* * *

Sif stared at the grey stone ceiling above her head as sleep once again evaded her in the dark of the night. She pulled her warm, soft blankets closer to her as a chill swept into the room from the open window above her bed. She could hear soft footprints outside of her door, no doubt one of the many servants finally heading to bed or one of the guards patrolling the corridors for intruders.

She sighed and turned onto her side to stare out the windows of the doors that lead to the balcony. A famliar sight lay before her but its usual comfort gone now that she could stare straight out and see all the sparkling stars, the beauty of swirling galaxies, and the colorful ruins of an intergalatic bridge.

She swung her legs over the side of her bed before reluctantly getting up from the warmth of her blankets. She grabbed the dagger from under her pillow and brought it with her as she stood outside on the cold balcony to stare out into the night sky. She wrapped her arms around her and leaned against the railing.

It had only been a week since Loki had fallen but everything felt so different- correction, it was different. Their friend, their comrade, their brother in arms had slipped into madness and then completely fell into a darkness that no one could return from. Sif imagined him here beside her staring out into the stars and the void to which he fell.  
"You fool, you complete and utter fool," She could imagine herself saying to him. "We loved you. We all loved you. We miss you dearly."

" _You were never a good liar, Sif_ ," He would say back to her. " _You all are fine without me, you always were_."

Sif did not waste her time arguing with him, those conversations never took place, and Loki was never there beside her but she liked to imagine that they did happen so that Loki could know how much he was missed, at least missed by her.

She rubbed her arms as a light cold breeze swept over her again. Sif turned away from the railing and headed back inside to try to get some sleep for tomorrow would bring the moment they all had dreaded.

Tomorrow was the funeral of Loki Odinson.

She imagined for a moment that Loki sighed and whispered, " _Goodnight Sif_."

"Goodnight Loki," She whispered back as she placed the dagger on the wall, crawled into bed and willed herself to sleep.


	2. So hold my hand I'll walk with you my dear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I'll be working to update this as fast as I can before school starts up in January.

 Sif was awoken by the sounds of rumbling thunder and lightning crackling in the sky. Sif looked out her window as lightning filled the sky once more. She could see the rain that fell in those brief moments. The storm was a product of Thor's emotions and his brother's death still upset him greatly it looked like based on the storm that was circling outside.

Sif crawled out of bed and went to her bath chamber to begin preparing for the day. She decided against wearing her hair up in a ponytail as she usually did and decided to wear it down. She pinned back the strands of hair beside her face so they would not fall into her face and then began to change into her best armor. She had left her shield and glaive atop her dresser, there was no need for them today.

Her eyes wandered over to the daggers that adorned her wall before she walked up to a set and removed one to place inside her boot for safe keeping. She looked outside to see how the storm was now. It had lessened considerably but it still looked like it could start pouring any minute. She would choose her words around Thor carefully today if she spoke at all.

Sif walked out of her chambers and went in search of her friends. They would need her as much as she needed them today. She found the Warriors Three in their favorite anti-chamber, all of them well groomed and dressed for the dreaded occasion. She hugged them all in greeting but it felt like a part of them was missing and nothing could fill the void it had left behind. Footsteps filled the silence of the anti-chamber and they all turned to look at Thor entering.

Sif could see why the sky had been volatile earlier. He had been crying quite a bit from the look on his face. He looked like he may start crying again if any of them said the wrong thing. Sif approached him first and gave him a tight hug which Thor returned. "As always, if you need us, we are here for you." Sif told him as the two pulled away. The Warriors Three nodded in agreement.

Thor gave them all a small sad smile before saying, "Thank you, my friends. Today will be a very hard day for us all."

Sif looked away from Thor, trying to imagine Loki there again. He appeared next to her and Sif watched as he reached out to set his hand on Thor's shoulder. " _I miss you too,"_ Loki murmured, a pain filled Sif's chest and she willed him away silently.  The wound too fresh for her to be imagining Loki at the moment.

Thor led the way to the funeral services with Sif and the others following him behind. It was hard for Sif to admit this was all happening. Everything started to blur together, Odin's words about Loki, the Allmother's tears, the preparation for the longboat, being handed a glowing lantern. Tears formed in her eyes.

Sif wiped at the tears filling her eyes and looked away from the empty longboat and over at the Allfather and Allmother. Her heart crumbled at the sight of Frigga's tears more than anything and the Allfather wrapped an arm around his wife and held her close as she began to break down before Sif's eyes.

Sif pretended for a moment that Loki was there again, watching his friends and family. He would turn and give Sif a sad smile when his eyes fell on her but when he turned to look at his mother and father, even with all the indifference he could have mustered, his face fell and tears filled his eyes.

" _I never wanted any of this_ ," He whispered to her. " _I only wanted acceptance. I only wanted to feel like I belonged here_."

"You belonged here, you fool, you just couldn't see how." She answered him, turning to look at the longboat as it floated out on the water. She let the tears fall from her eyes and then felt a hand grab hers.

"I wish I could have made him see how he was needed here. Nothing will be the same without him," Thor said quietly and Sif nodded. She squeezed Thor's hand as the archer let go of a flaming arrow and sent it off to find its target. Sif felt Thor's hand leave hers as he lifted up the first of the funereal glowing lanterns.

Sif released her own lantern and then turned to leave as the damn tears filled her eyes again. Her fast walking through the crowd became a sprint as she reached an empty corridor. She ran, running as fast as she could, pushing herself to run farther and farther until she could not run anymore. She grabbed the wall to keep herself upright when the tears finally blurred her vision and the tears became crying. The crying turned to sobs and she fell to the ground, her arms wrapped around herself.

"You fool! You damn fool!" Sif screamed down the empty hall, wishing Loki was here to see the pain he was causing her.

" _I'm sorry. I am so sorry, Sif."_  

"I don't want your damn apologies!" Sif yelled at him. "I just-" Her voice cracked as a sob escaped her. "I just want you here. I wish you were real. I wish you weren't some figment of my imagination. I wish you were here so I could beat you senseless and then show you how much you were wanted here. Why did you have to fall? Why couldn't you just stay?"

" _I can't tell you why, Sif. I'm not here."_

"I wish you were here. I wish you were here" Sif repeated to herself before breaking down into tears again.

* * *

_Loki reopened his eyes but the darkness that was there when he closed his eyes remained when he opened them. Maybe, this wasn't his best idea. He was left to continue falling endlessly, pondering what he had done recently. Jumping into the abyss was definitely not one of his greatest ideas. He missed Asgard. He missed his mother and Thor. He even missed Odin a little bit. He missed the Idiots Three and Lady Sif. He missed them all. If this ending ceased and if he managed somehow to survive the deadly fall, he would go back to them and apologize to them all. He would find a way to make it up to them._

 


	3. The stairs creak as you sleep it's keeping me awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be leading somewhere....eventually. I've been working on where it leads to for a while.

_Loki wondered how long this falling would last. Had he not reached bottom? Had he not fallen far enough to push himself back up?  He knew he had gone too far in Asgard. He knew that he should be imprisoned the second he stepped foot into Asgard again but perhaps, they would let him make up for his mistakes somehow. Maybe he could help rebuild the Bifrost and Heimdall's Observatory and then continue to help out from there. Everything was becoming colder around him and he missed the warmth of home. He wondered what Thor was doing right now. Would he be training with the others or had Earth changed him and he would be in the library searching for a path back to his mortal? He wondered how much more falling he would have to endure before he would land somewhere. Landing would be another problem in itself...He closed his eyes and decided he would focus on the problem later. Right now, he needed to be anywhere but here and so he wished for a dream where he could be back home._

* * *

Sif marked the weeks that had passed since Loki’s fall by carving notches into a post at the training yard. It was during one of her and Thor’s training spars that a young page had interrupted them with news that the Allfather had wanted to see them and the Warriors Three. As it turned out, the Allfather had been searching for the hidden passage Loki had used to bring the Jotuns to Asgard and they had found a passage at the base of the mountain. They believed it to be the same passage the Jotuns had come through and he wanted their group to explore the passageway to see if it lead to Jotunheim. If it did, they were under orders to destroy the passageway so that the Jotuns could plan an attack and use the passageway to gain access into Asgard.

They had not packed much for their journey because they had not expected to stay in Jotunheim. The Jotuns had ambushed them once they had appeared from the passageway. The group had been separated in the mighty blizzard that had been used as the Jotuns cover...

…And that was how Sif found herself trapped in Jotunheim alone and beginning to freeze to death. Sif pulled her cloak tighter around her body as she trekked through the snow, searching for any cover whatsoever. She traveled along the mountain’s side, hoping desperately for a cave that could shelter her from the blizzard’s force. She was beginning to think that this is how she would die in the frozen, barren wasteland when Loki appeared once again.

“ _Sif, you’ve got to keep moving_ ,” He urged her along. She could hardly feel her hands anymore, and her steps were starting to slow.

“I-It’s t-too c-c-cold.” Her teeth chattered and she halted in her movements, wanting nothing more than to curl up on the ground.

“ _You’ve got to keep moving, Sif. You have to find shelter_ ,” Loki told her, and Sif knew that he was right. She had to keep moving and so she started to move forward again. “ _Good girl. Sif, can’t you see that crack in the side there_?” Sif lifted her head and followed his arm where he was pointing to. There was a crack in the side of the mountain, just big enough for her to fit into. “ _Just make it to the crack, Sif, and then we can worry about warming you up_.”

Sif trudged through the snow to the opening before pushing herself through the small opening. On the other side of the opening, the crack expanded enough that walls parted away from each other to reveal a small cave. Sif set down her pack and began to rummage through its contents, hoping that she had packed something that would provide her with a bit more warmth. She sighed happily upon seeing a torchlight in her pack. She rummaged through her pack again, finding a few matches at the bottom of the pack and set about lighting a fire.

Sif huddled close to the fire once it had roared to life, hoping that it would be enough to keep her warm until she could find a way back to her friends or the passageway. There was just one other problem she had to address until then…

“ _This should keep you warm until the blizzard passes._ ” Loki murmured softly. He sat across from her on the other side of the fire. Sif wondered if this was actually him sitting before her or if her mind had conjured him as a last resort to keep herself from freezing to death. It would make sense if it was him. The last thing he had done prior to falling was that he had attempted to destroy Jotunheim by keeping the bridge between both of their worlds open. Perhaps, he had fallen to Jotunheim…but if he had, would Heimdall not have seen him there? Or would Loki have used his magic to prevent Heimdall from seeing where he fell to? “ _You need to eat something, Sif._ ”

“You’re not really here.” She told him, making up her mind about his presence.

“ _Sif_ -“ Loki began to say something else, but she stopped him short.

“You’re not here. You are dead. You fell from the Bifrost and you are not here.” She repeated to herself, wishing Loki would leave.

“ _I am not here, but you wish I was here and so I am_ ,” Loki countered.

“I wish you were gone! I wish you would leave me in peace! The last thing I need is to believe that I am going crazy and seeing things that aren’t really here,” Sif shouted at him.

“ _You’re seeing me because you’re losing blood, Sif_ ,” Loki gestured toward her leg and Sif saw the blood that had become caked to her boots. “ _You stuck a dagger in your boot and when the Frost Giant hit you, you cut yourself upon it_.” Sif attempted to pry off her boot but hissed in pain when she did so, feeling the metal cut into her leg as she moved the dagger slightly. “ _Don’t move your boot, Sif. You’ll have to have a healer see to it, otherwise you could cut a main artery and bleed out faster_.”

Sif breathed carefully. “Is that how I may die here? Either by freezing to death or bleeding to death?”

“ _You’re not going to die_.” Loki told her quietly, scratching at his palm with his nail. His voice sounded distant as if there was something else he intended to say but chose to leave out.

“You’re not real!” Sif snapped at him.

“ _If you did not want me here, I would not be here!_ ” Loki yelled back at her, and for a moment, Sif wished he was here….so that she may punch him in his stubbornly arrogant face. “ _Face it, Sif. You need me here. You have no idea what to do and you need someone you trust here beside you! You_ -”

“I don’t trust you!” Sif interrupted him, fury filling her face. She picked up one of her other daggers and threw it at him. “You became a manipulative lying bastard! You tried to kill me! You tried to kill your friends! You tried to kill your brother! I can’t trust you! You just have to deal with the fact that there is nothing you can ever do that will ever change what you have done to us! No one can trust you ever again! Just leave me be, Loki!”

Loki stood up and walked toward the entrance. " _Enjoy freezing to death_ ," He muttered coldly at her. Sif glanced at him, his pale skin had started turning blue as he stepped out into the blizzard.  

"Good riddance," Sif crossed her arms and huffed angrily to herself. The wind from the blizzard blew through the entrance, blowing out her small fire and knocking Sif and her supplies over. Her head impacted the solid wall of ice and her vision went dark.

* * *

 

_Loki opened his eyes slowly, blinking carefully as a blinding light filled his vision in place of the darkness. He attempted to hold his hand in front of his face to block the light out but found he could not move his arms, let alone his hands. He tried to move his legs but found that they were relectuant to move as well. He inhaled to find no air to breathe. His mind filled with panic and he began his hardest trying to move, trying to find air. He didn't want to die. He didn't want to die like this. He wanted to fix things. He needed to fix things. He closed his eyes, trying to calm his mind once more when he heard a voice._

_"What is your name?"_ _Loki turned his head to try to find the person the voice belonged to. The blinding light blocked out any chance he had of seeing them. The voice spoke once more, surrounding him from all sides. "Answer the question."_ _He opened his mouth but could not find his voice and was reminded at the lack of oxygen in the air. "All you need to do is think it and I will know it."_

_"Loki." The name popping into his head. "My name is Loki. I can't breathe-"_

_"Just Loki?" The voice inquired curiously._

_Loki sighed internally, "I was born Loki Laufeyson of the Frost Giants. I was raised Loki Odinson of the Asgardians but I am just Loki." The blinding light receeded and everything became dark once again._

 


	4. It's the house telling you to close your eyes

It had only been by sheer thin luck that they had found her in Jotunheim and just barely managed to get out alive. It was not Thor's broken arm, Volstagg's fractured ankle, or Fandral's punctured lung that required Eir's immediate attention upon their arrival back in Asgard.

Sif had started to turn blue as moderate hypothermia had set in. She had been so pale when they handed her over to Eir. They did not see her for days. Eir would not let them in even after their injuries were healed. She assured them that Sif was slowly recovering but still shivering a lot. Eir pulled Thor away from the others to speak with him privately. She confessed a fear that Sif's hypothermia may have been more severe than they had originally thought. During the days Sif had been isolated, she had woken briefly and was arguing with an empty room.

"She thought she was arguing with someone?" Thor asked Eir carefully.

"Specifically with Loki. She was acting like he was alive and right next to her." Eir explained to him. This had been her reason for Sif's isolation over the last few days. The younger prince's death was still fresh on their minds, especially following a trip to Jotunheim. "Amnesia is common in severe hypothermia. Someone should break it to her gently. It'll still be a while before she can leave here and return to the training yard, especially if she keeps seeing Loki."

Thor nodded his head slowly. Now weeks later, he was sitting next to Sif. Thor worried in the infirmary for weeks as Sif lay bandaged and asleep. He wondered how he should let her know that Loki was dead. Should he wait for her to mention him or just tell her outright when she was awake? He thought out the many different ways he would tell her in his head. Hours after his eyes glazed over and he had drifted to daydreaming, Sif stirred as she awoke. She lifted her hand gently to wipe the blurriness from her eyes. She ached from head to toe from being forced to lay on the stiff healing beds. Her movements pulled Thor from his daydreams. "Morning Sif."

"M-Morning." Sif stammered, rubbing her hands against her arms.

"Are you cold? I can get you another blanket if you like?" Thor offered, watching her carefully.

"A chill is set in my bones after that fiasco on Jotunheim." Sif muttered, pulling her blanket up to her chin. "I should be fine."

"Eir says it'll be a while before you can rejoin us on the training yards. The cut on your leg was pretty bad when we found you." Thor explained to her.

Sif supressed a physical groan when she tried to move her leg. _"I told you it was bad. I don't know why I am surprised you didn't listen to me."_ She glanced toward Loki sitting next to the bed beside her, across from Thor.

"Of course it was bad. I don't need you to tell me that." Sif remarked, pulling on the blanket a bit more to wrap it around her properly

"Are you feeling well, Sif? I can always come back later." Thor asked her at the same time Loki spoke.

" _I was trying to help you. That's what friends do! They help each other!_ "

"I don't need your help! I don't need you here, Loki! I need you to leave me alone!" Sif shouted back at him, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Thor couldn't help the melancholy feeling that surged through him at the sound of Loki's name. His dejected sigh caught Sif's attention and she turned to look at him.

"Sif, Loki is..dead. He's not here. You're only seeing him because of what happened on Jotunhein. Eir's not going to let you out of here until you've fully recovered- until you stop seeing and speaking to Loki."

Sif slumped her shoulders and let her hands fall into her lap. She should tell Thor about Loki's ghost being around before Jotunheim but if she did, they would never let her train again. She glanced over toward where Loki was sitting. " _Sif, I promise you that you are not crazy. I'm here. I'm really here._ "

"Go away the both-" Sif started to say before stopping herself. "Go away Thor." Thor stood wordlessly but gave her a pitiful look before walking out of the healing hall. Loki faded away shortly after Thor left, leaving Sif all alone.

* * *

 

Loki gasped for air as he opened his eyes. He fell off the slab of rock he had been laying on and felt all his muscles ache painfully as he hit the ground. His limb tingled as he attempted to push himself off the ground.

"You are stronger than you look." A voice echoed in his ears, making his ears ring unpleasantly. He fell back onto the ground with a painful gasp. "He will be pleased to see you awake."

Loki opened his mouth to speak. His voice was gravelly from disuse. "Who...Who are you?" How long had he been asleep? He wondered. He didn't remember when the falling had stopped. Where was he? What was going on? How could he get back to Asgard? He had so many questions to be answered. Loki began to slowly help himself back up, leaning against a tall rock.

He stared at the creature across from him. A hood and robe covered his face and body in shadows. "That is not your concern. Follow me." A six fingered hand gestured towards a grand metal staircase leading upwards before the creature ascended it. Loki stumbled toward the staircase and began his slow ascent as well.

Loki glanced down curiously at the land before him. Millions of floating asteroids and darkness surrounded them. No sun, no moon, no stars. Did he die? Was he in Hel? Is this what Hel looked like? He paused at the top of the stairs, still staring back down below.

"My lord, he has awaken." Loki turned at the sound of the creatures voice. He saw the creature kneeling before a purple giant man on a floating throne, holding a sceptre that emitted a strange blue light. Loki stepped forward cautiously until he was standing beside the creature. "Kneel before your superior."

"I am a Prince and a God. I do not kneel." Loki retorted back at the creature. The creature moved fast, hitting the back of Loki's knees and causing him to crumple to the ground.

"You are no God." The creature hissed violently. "You will always kneel before Him."

"He is stubborn. He will need to be taught discipline and that may take more time than we can allow." The man on the throne said to the creature. "Break him." He tossed the sceptre toward the creature, who caught it gracefully.

Loki's eyes snapped up and locked with the man on the throne. "As you wish, my lord." The creature walked toward Loki with the sceptre in hand. Loki felt his heart pound in his chest as the creature held up the sceptre and brought it down swiftly. He felt pain and pain again every time the sceptre hit him. He began to remember htting the ground and being brought up the staircase. He remembers the man on the throne- Thanos- and being beaten before by the creature. "Kill him over and over again. We will break him eventually. He will be loyal or he will know pain. She will keep him alive for us." Everything faded to darkness and then...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Loki gasped for air as he open his eyes.

* * *

 

Sif's eyes wandered around the room in the healing hall. Her eyes stopped at the figure sitting in the windowsill. He turned his head to meet her gaze. Sif breathed slowly as she watched Loki turn back to the window. So he was still here- still conjured by her mind. She attempted to will him away but he remained in the window, leg swaying back and forth inches above the ground. Sif looked away from the window, attempting to pull herself up out of the bed.

" _You would do better to stay here and recover than to move around on that damaged leg of yours."_ Loki told her. Sif did not reply. She was not going to play these games that her mind was conjuring. She would not instigate a conversation with a being that was not there. She ignored the voice and took a careful step away from the bed. Sif prepared herself for the pain as she set down her foot. The pain spiked upward from her leg and she buckled under the terrible pain with a gasp, falling to the ground. " _I warned you_." SIf bit her lip to prevent herself from snapping back at him. He wasn't there, she reminded herself. He wasn't there and he never will be.

Sif let go of the breath she held in as she pulled herself back upright. Sif walked slowly toward the door, grimacing with every step she took on her bad leg. She rested a moment against the door before pushing it open and walked out of the healing hall.

" _Will you ever listen? Go back to the healing hall_." Loki appeared beside her. Sif ignored him, using the wall to support herself as she continued her trek.

She was hungry. The kitchen wasn't that far from the healing hall and she needed fresh air that didn't reek of herbs and medicines. Her journey was slow and she took minute to catch her breath. Loki stood in front of her and she couldn't help but stare at him. Bruises filled his face and blood was trickling down the side of his face from his hairline. " _Please go back. You need to get better."_  He pleaded with her. Sif walked around him and turned the corner. 

"Odin's beard! Sif, what are you doing?!" A familiar voice called out from the other end of the hall. Sif looked up and almost cried at the sight of Fandral, a real living person. He hurried down the hall toward her and Sif rested her back against the wall once again.

"I needed out. I was going crazy cooped up with Eir for weeks." Sif explained to him as he stood in front of her. "I was going to the kitchen for food."

"And heading in the wrong direction." Fandral chuckled with a shake of his head. "Let me help you before you hurt yourself even more." He had Sif wrap an arm around his neck to help alleviate some of the pain off her leg and walked with her to the kitchen.


	5. And some days I can't even dress myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally after several months, I have been making some progress with new technology (i.e my new laptop) and with this fantastic little fic. I am so sorry that it has been ages since I last updated but I will definitely set aside time to work on this and any other ideas that I have. There are other works of mine that were left unfinished or were questionably going to be continued so they will definitely be completed or marked as complete. I apologize for how short this chapter is but I am very enthusiastic about the direction that I would for this fanfic and will definitely be working on it more. More will be posted soon!!!! :)

Sif could feel Fandral's eyes on her, watching her carefully as she finished her meal in the kitchens. She stretched out her arms slowly, being gentle and trying not to hurt herself. "Shall we return to the healing hall?" Fandral asked her as a servant came by and took her empty plate.

"I don't want to go back there. I couldn't bear another minute in there." Sif answered, shaking her head. "I just... I don't like being cooped up in there all alone."

" _You're not alone, Sif,"_ Loki set his hand on her shoulder and she shivered under the contact. Cold hands. He had touched her and his hands had been cold. He was a ghost. How could he even touch her? " _As long as you need me, I'll be here._   _Don't you remember that's why I gave it to you in the first place?"_

"It?" Sif questioned herself aloud. She looked up and found herself underneath Fandral's questioning gaze. "I mean... There's just something about it- the healing halls. It's cold and lonely. "

“ _Sif, please. I am here. You’ve got to tell them I’m here.”_

“Stop.” Sif whispered and Fandral trailed off as he stared at her. She was too weak to tune Loki’s ghost out this time.  She stood from the table and turned away from Fandral’s prying eyes. Loki moved in front of her and she closed her eyes.

“ _I’m alive. Look at me! I’m alive! Please!”_

She walked forward, limping away from the table. She couldn’t take it anymore. He was everywhere she went. She could hear him in her sleep- the begging, the pleading-

“Sif! Wait! Where are you going?!”

She needed someone who would understand. She need Frigga, his mother. Perhaps, she could help her to get rid of this ghost haunting her.

“ _Sif, it’s only getting worse. I can’t take much more of this._ ” _Loki groaned and his vision of Asgard flashed away briefly from his eyes as he was pulled back to Sanctuary. The Other stood in front of him with a knife before Asgard filled his view_.

 Fandral was easily catching up to Sif as she attempted to hobble away from him.  She was muttering to herself again. He wondered if perhaps she was catching a fever now that hypothermia had left her. He shivered at the thought of Jotunheim.

 _Loki ran to her quickly, “Sif please. I beg of you.” He grabbed her hand, pushing all his magical energy to his hands_.

Sif froze in her tracks as Loki tugged her back. She stared at him finally.

_“I need you to save me. They’re going to kill me Sif. Please, listen to me!”_

“You’re not real.” Sif whispered to herself, turning away from him.

“Sif?” Fandral questioned as he approached.

“ _I’m real! Sif, please!” Loki pleaded, tugging her back towards him_.

“You can’t be real. You aren’t real.” Sif murmured to herself, trying to tug herself away.

_Loki could feel the slow drain of his magic- images of Asgard and Sanctuary combining together – His blood trickling from his side. He needed to prove he was alive to her. He let her hand drop from his, focusing his magic to the trinket on Fandral’s belt. It wanted to resist. It wanted to remain still. Loki strained his magic as he closed his eyes and willed for the trinket to lift off his belt._

“Sif…” Fandral began causing Sif to turn and look at him. She stared at a dagger floating inches from her face. She stifled a gasp as her hand covered her mouth.

 _Loki opened his eyes, watching the dagger drop to the floor and gave a small smile._ “Loki?”

 _“Please help me.”_ _He said quietly, feeling drained from the use of his magic over great distances. He fell to his knees. “This place is no sanctuary.”_

Sif knelt beside him, “Loki…”

_“Your blades, I enchanted them. Use them,” Loki whispered to her, Sanctuary floated back into his view. The Other stood in front of him with a bloody knife. He felt his heartbeat accelerate. Not again. It wouldn’t be happening again. He pushed his magic one more time, one more projection to Sif. He screamed around the sharp pain in his chest. Asgard combined with Sanctuary one more time. Sif fluctuated back and forth, one second there and gone the next over and over again.  “Sif, save me.”_


	6. It's killing me to see you this way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's new?! New chapter titles and someone left me wonderful comments that inspired more of this wonderful fic. 
> 
> I should probably mention that this is mentions of torture but I'm going to try not to get to explicit with it.

Loki groaned as he turned over onto his back. The dirt seeping into his wounds. He desperately wished for a deep goblet of water to quench his thirst and a pleasantly warm bathtub to wash away the dirt. His arm throbbed painfully as he held it close to his chest. It was so tempting to close his eyes and sleep for a nice long while but the Other watched him carefully.

If Loki slept too much, the Other would take away sleep from him. If he enjoyed his food or water, he would begin to starve and thirst for more. It was too risky to make another attempt to speak to Sif especially when he was wounded. The last time the Other had woken him, he hadn't had time to mend his broken arm before the Other strung him up to torture him more. The Other had used fire this time, burning his broken arm after poking and prodding him with a heated sword.

"Do you yield, Trickster?" The Other asked once again from above him.

He wanted to scream at him, shout at the alien,  _"I yield! Yes, I yield!! Just make it stop!!_ " Sif's face haunted this nightmare as a pleasant memory. She saw him for once, actually acknowledged it was really him needing her help. He couldn't give up, not with the Mighty Sif hopefully on her way. He just needed to hold out a little more, hold onto that small little bit of hope. "N-no," he whimpered, shaking his head.

"We'll just have to try harder next time," the Other murmured as Loki's vision began to darken. The darkness enveloped him and he felt light-headed.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.  
   
"Do you enjoy this kind of thing?" A voice asked him. Loki blinked as he stared up the golden staircase to an empty golden throne. "Is this something that gets you off?"

"Who are you?" Loki asked, slowly ascending the stairs.

A woman stepped out from behind the staircase and perched herself on the armrest of the throne, "It isn't your time yet. I'm not allowed to take you until your time has come." As Loki approached her, he could see she had an extravagant headdress with a veil that covered half of her face. Her long green dress trailed behind her as she hopped off the arm and took a seat on the throne.

"You haven't answered my question."

"To be fair, you never answered mine. Let's call ourselves even... in a sense," she tapped one gloved hand against the metal of the throne. "Go ahead," she smiled, "ask another question."

"What am I doing here?" Loki inquired, glancing around at the mock Asgard surrounding him.

"Taking a breather. Please enjoy it, you have few breaths left."

"Where is here?"

"Oh, you know that already. Just as well as you know who I am," she answered with a chuckle.

Loki stared at his surroundings once more. Everything wavered a bit as he inhaled. The golden glow of Asgard disappearing to a bleak cavern with a glowing river leading to the edge. He turned back to the woman, letting her disguise falter for a moment while he held his breath. Beneath the veil, a skeleton smile grinned at him before the veil was replaced. The Golden throne melted away to one made up of skulls and bones. "Hela," he said in a single breath, letting the facade return.

"Clever, little Loki. You always know how to spot the lie," Hela waved her arm and slowly Asgard faded away.

"It was too perfect. Asgard's not that perfect," Loki responded as he started to move closer to her throne.

"You're different this time. Not so badly broken-" She glanced up and down his body "-on the inside at least."

"This has happened before. Every time I get killed, I assume?" Loki inquired.

Hela caught his eyes and stared for a good minute, "It's not your time yet."

"And so you send me back-"

"-to your body, wherever that is and they keep sending you back to me." Hela finished as a hooded woman appeared from behind her throne and offered her a glass of wine. Hela gave her a nod as she took the wine. The woman sat on the stairs leading up to the throne.

"What if you don't send me back?" Loki asked her, stepping toward her.

"You don't belong here yet. I have to send you back. Those are the rules set by my Mistress."

"You're Queen-" Loki began, confused as by what Hela meant when she said Mistress. His eyes flickered down to the woman sitting on the steps.

"She's Queen Eternal." Hela interrupted him swiftly. "My Lady Death will outlive me and one day, everyone will belong to her alone... even Thanos."

"Thanos..." The name was familiar to him. The stories Frigga told him of a Mad Titan- the one who wanted to court Death - they were the same, weren't they? "He wishes to court her and he wants my help in doing so?"

"Yes, with your many deaths, he has her attention but she grows tired of this charade." Hela sipped at her wine through the human half of her face.

"He'll never stop until she's with him."

"She knows. She wants more." She set her glass aside on the arm of her throne. "You're a pretty offering to her, but it's no fun watching you die over and over again."

"She wants more?"

"A war to end all wars. A final death for everyone. She just has to wait for him to kill everyone in the universe before she claims him. I pity him. It'll be a long time from what I understand," Hela glanced at her nails boredly as she explained the situation.

"Why not send me back elsewhere?" Loki inquired, a cold chill settling in his bones.

"It has to be your body. If it isn't yours, you'll die... again."

"I need more time."

"You're not supposed to be dead yet. The rules say I have to send you back," Hela reiterated once again.

"Send me back but please wait to do so. I'm barely keeping it together, Hela," Loki pleaded, the pain was returning in his arm and chest as he spoke. "What if we made a deal?"

"What kind of deal?" Hela asked, casting a glance toward the hooded woman briefly before looking to him.

"A deal your mistress will enjoy. I'm sure she wouldn't mind granting me a request," Loki continued, the pain in his legs was beginning to become unbearable. He felt like he could collapse at any moment.

"You speak in riddles, Silvertongue. Speak clearly," Hela said sternly, annoyed at the games he was trying to play with her.

"Your Mistress sets me free from Thanos' grasp. In return, I will bring about Ragnarok," Loki explained, clutching at his chest where it felt like he was being stabbed at over and over again.

"Ragnarok? You don't mean-" Hela began to rise from her throne, but the hooded woman on the steps raised her hand both silencing and stopping her.

"That is quite the proposition, Loki Laufeyson, son of Laufey and Farbauti, adopted son of Odin and Frigga." The woman stood and pulled on her hood to keep it covering her face. "Ragnarok is the fated death for all Asgardians."

"A much better offering than the torture of one measly Frost Giant?" Loki slowly sunk to the floor as his legs gave out to the pain.

"How do I know you will keep your promise?" She asked him as she descended down the steps.

"Even if I don't get them all, Thanos will kill everyone in the end, won't he? You'll get everyone at some point, Lady Death. Surely, it is better sight to watch than my death once again, isn't it?" Loki glanced down at his chest, blood soaking the hand held against it. He looked up to find Lady Death, kneeling beside him. Darkness hid her face from him, but two silver eyes peered at him from the darkness.

She outstretched her hand, "You have a deal." He stared at it for a moment, a fleeting thought of what he was about to do raced through him. He reached for her hand with his injured but clean hand and shook hers. Helheim disappeared around them as their hands remained connected. "Your salvation will come to save you from his grasp and then you have one year to fulfill your promise to me," She said to him, her words echoing as Sanctuary surrounded them. "Your wounds will heal the day after Thanos tortures you until you are returned to Asgard by the one who will save you." The pain Loki felt slowly disappeared as she helped him stand. He looked at his hand and watched the blood creep back into the wound in his chest before sealing itself. 

* * *

He's alive. The thought kept her frozen in place as Fandral tugged on her arm. She wasn't losing her mind after all. She wasn't being haunted by Loki's ghost if everything he said was true. She pinched her arm, checking to make sure she wasn't dreaming. She looked up at Fandral, "It was Loki. He's still alive."

Fandral stared at her with a sad frown, “Sif, please, Loki is dead. Don't do this to yourself."

"You saw what the blade did! It floated because of him! It was Loki!" Sif attempted to persuade him as he helped her stand, holding the dagger in her other hand. "You have to believe me."

Fandral sighed and rubbed his temples. He wanted to believe, he did. Yet... there was a lot he didn't understand about this new situation that needed cleared up before he could believe her. “If I did believe you- and I am not saying I do- how is it that Loki is only showing himself to you. Why isn't he communicating with the rest of us?"

"He looked weak and gravely injured. I don't think he has enough magic to reach out to everyone." She examined the dagger carefully. The familiar markings and scratches adorning the hilt were old Asgardian runes. "Where did you get this?"

"It's yours, the one that cut you on Jotunheim. I was holding on to it for safe-keeping."

Sif began to hobble forward, wincing at the pain in her leg. "We need to retrieve the rest of my blades. I bet you my shield each of them will have runes on them. He said he enchanted them."

Fandral followed after her until he caught up to her and stood in front of her, "Why would Loki enchant your blades?"

Sif went quiet for a moment as she balanced precariously on her good leg, "They were a gift from an unknown suitor. All my weapons were. They were placed outside my door when I first became a warrior. I knew they were enchanted but I didn't know they were from him." 

"You knew they were enchanted?" Fandral asked as he looked at the dagger in her hand.

"They never dull, always stay sharp. They always hit their mark even when I throw poorly so I saved them as a back-up," Sif explained as she tucked the dagger into her belt. “He’s looked out for me all this time.”

“Loki doesn’t do anything unless he wants something in return or if it benefits him in some way, Sif. You know that,” Fandral reminded her as he grabbed her hands. “If he is truly alive, he could be planning something. None of us want to see you get hurt.”

“I won’t get hurt, Fandral. You do not have to trust him, but I am asking you to trust me.” Sif winced as she adjusted her stance and leaned on her bad leg.

Fandral sighed, “I trust you, Sif. I’ll take you to your room so you can rest. We can deal with the enchanted blades in the morning. Now, come on, I’ll carry you to your room.”

“I’m no damsel in distress,” Sif protested.

“I never said you were, but I’d happily carry Hogun back to his room if he was as injured as you were.” Fandral explained as he offered to get her off of her injured leg. “I’ll carry you on my back if you prefer it to being carried in my arms.” Sif reluctantly agreed to Fandral’s offer. He helped Sif onto his back, lifting her off the ground as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Now, I see how you get all the ladies, Fandral. Do you carry each of them to their rooms?” Sif murmured as the pain in her leg subsided now that the weight was lifted from it.

“Very funny. No, I do not.” Fandral rolled his eyes as he began to make his way down to Sif’s chambers.

“Oh, so only Hogun and I get special treatment.” Sif smiled slyly. “You’ll have to be careful then, lest your ladies become jealous of your relationship with Hogun.”

“You wound me with such words.”

The trip to Sif’s chambers was faster than it would have been had Sif been traveling on foot. Once Fandral had set her down gently on her bed, Sif curled into her golden blankets almost immediately. Her bed felt ten times better than the stiff beds in the Healing Halls. Sif sighed happily.

“Have a good night, Sif. I’ll tell Thor about Loki and the blades. That way the five of us can deal with the issue in the morning.” Fandral said to her as he made his way for the exit.

“Fandral?” Sif inquired and he paused on his way out to look back at her. “If Loki is alive, what do you think he’s been doing all this time?”

“Nothing any good can come from.” Fandral answered before turning back to the door. “Sleep well, Sif.”

Sif watched Fandral close the door and listened as he walked away. It was tempting to take Fandral’s advice and to fall asleep in her bed. It would be simpler that way. She slung her legs gently over the side of the bed, holding the post of her bed to stand up. She limped to her weapons trunk before sitting beside it and opening it. The blades shined in the light of her room as she picked them up.

“ _You’re missing one.”_ A voice echoed behind her.

“No, I’m not. I’ve got them.” Sif pulled the blade from her belt and set it beside the others. She glanced back to look at Loki, but he wasn’t there. A woman with a hood covering her face stood where she expected Loki to be. “Who are you?”

“ _A well-wisher. He asked for you to be his salvation_.” The woman explained. Sif’s hand picked up one of her blades, just in case. “ _I mean you no harm, Sif Tyrsdottir, daughter of Tyr and Astrid_.”

“How do you know who I am?” Sif asked, slowly rising.

“ _I am here to bring you to him. He asked for your help_.” The woman answered.

“You mean Loki?” Sif lowered her blade, but still held tight to it.

“ _Yes, he requires help in escaping Sanctuary. You are the one he has asked me to retrieve_.” The woman stepped toward her and held out her hand. “ _He hasn’t much time left_.”

“Why can’t you help him escape?”

“ _I don’t possess the ability to take people from Sanctuary. They must be granted permission to leave or they must escape themselves_.” The woman extended her hand toward Sif once again. “ _If you wish to save him, you must come with me at once_.”

“I need to grab my armor-” Sif began, but the woman interrupted.

“ _If you linger any longer, he will most certainly be killed_.”

Sif reached down and grabbed the other daggers marked with runes. “I’m ready,” She answered firmly, holding them to her chest as she grabbed the woman’s hand.

It happened in a dizzying flash so fast that Sif wasn't sure what happened. A painful white flash of light filled her senses after that and now she was gasping for air. Her hands were bound together "Do you yield?" The creature in front of her asked.

"What?" She asked confused in a hoarse voice, only to receive an instant twist of sharp pain in her side and she couldn't help the painful gasp that slipped through her dry mouth.

"Do you yield?" The creature hissed.

"I don't understand-" Her words were cut off by a scream that fell from her mouth. The creature had grabbed her leg, twisting it until it made an ungodly cracking sound.

"Do you yield?" Sif refused to answer the question this time. She lowered her head to her chest. "Another session?" Her head snapped up in her horror as she stared at the creature. It had raised its weapon up to her eyesight. The scepter was shiny and created a distorted reflection on its surface but still the image was clear to her. She could see herself, bruised and bloodied, staring back at her.

Panic flooded her senses.  "No. No. No." She tried to pull on her ropes, doing anything she could to help free herself.

"We will have to break you as well” The creature muttered and raised the weapon again.

Sif could feel tears run down her cheeks. She screamed in pain when the weapon hit her again and again and again.


	7. Cause though the truth may vary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter but I have a lot planned out and written for the next few chapters.

She wasn't sure how much longer she could last here. She could barely move as she slowly studied her surroundings. This barren rock was a hell. The torture... Sif shivered, clenching her teeth against the pain. Her throat ached from screaming. She could scarcely imagine how Loki managed to survive here the last few months. She had only been here for days. Had it even been days? A couple of weeks? She couldn’t tell the passage of time here. No wonder he had grown desperate for her help.

She still hadn't seen him. Where was he? Why hadn't he contacted her? Did he even know she was here? Wouldn’t he try to find her?

Sif closed her eyes as she was overcome by the desire to sleep. 

Would Thor and the others know she had gone missing?  Would they even be able to find Sanctuary? Would they come to save her?

 _Why would they?_  A voice in her head questioned.  _They didn't believe you about Loki. Why should they come to save either of you?_

Didn't they care about her?  Wasn’t she their friend?

Her leg throbbed painfully and she clenched her teeth tightly.  There were too many questions in her head. She wanted to close her eyes. She wanted to shut everything out.

Something about this place didn't feel right. The one day she had managed to sneak away from where she was being kept, she had been unable to find Loki or anyone else. She had almost gotten caught as she made her way back and she thanked the stars for a singular peaceful night. The peace hadn’t last long, which she knew would happen eventually.

But Loki was here somewhere, and he had asked for her help. She was going to make sure she would find him. The two of them were going to make it back to Asgard, even if he was dead or alive and even if it was going to kill her to make her way back on a broken leg.

* * *

 Loki knew Death’s offer was too good to be true. Once the Other had discovered his new healing abilities, the torture was doubled daily. Twice as much fire was used to harm him. One day, they had broken nearly every bone in his body, waited for him to heal before breaking them all again.

The Lady Death was a cruel mistress.

He had been sleeping when he truly first heard the screams. He hadn’t thought much of them to begin with, merely echoes of his own screams from before. How long had it been? He couldn’t remember. Yet, these screams were different as he kept hearing them through the following days. Days turned to weeks and even Loki’s own punishments and tortures were halted unexpectedly one day. Loki pulled himself up. His limbs felt numb but they still worked enough to help him move. Sanctuary was heavily guarded but this night, it was strangely empty.

Still, Loki padded carefully as he looked for the source of the screams. They must be nearby. They were becoming clearer to him as he moved forward. Fear creeped up along his spine. The screams were oddly… familiar to him. His stomach lurched uneasily as he passed by a line of weapons. Axes, swords, spears… daggers? Loki touched the set and they glowed gently in his hands.  _These are Sif’s, but what are they_ \- Another scream dragged him out of his thoughts.  The familiarity dawning on him suddenly.

No. Not Sif. Anyone but her.

He hurried along as silently as he could. She couldn’t be the one screaming. It couldn’t be her. He could slowly feel himself regaining his magic and used it to keep himself hidden in the shadows. He had to find her before they killed her. Loki shivered as he continued down the rocky path before him. The screams stopped and Loki hid as the Chitauri passed by his hiding place. The screams had become a faint whimpering now. Loki followed the whimpering. It was definitely a woman. He had thought he heard a woman’s voice before.

Loki froze as he caught sight of her.  _No. Not her. Anyone but her._

He padded slowly and quietly toward her so he wouldn’t frighten her. She shook where she lay even as she was chained to a slab of rock. Tears began to flow from his eyes as he observed the state she currently was in. “S-Sif…”

Sif’s eyes snapped open in terror. “I do not yield. I do not yield-”

Loki shushed her softly as he pushed back a lock of her hair behind her. “That’s right, Sif. You’ll never yield.” He surveyed her wounds now that he was closer, careful not to cause her further harm in any way. “You’re a fighter. You’ll get through this.”

“L-Loki?” Sif attempted to move until Loki returned in her line of sight. “You’re h-here…”

“I’m right here, Sif. I won’t let them do any more to you,” Loki began to examine her chains as he pulled out one of her daggers.

“Y-You’re a-alive,” She continued, pulling at the chains.

“As are you.” He brought the dagger up to his mouth and whispered a few words causing the dagger to glow. He reached across and sliced through the metal chains with the dagger as it glowed. Loki pulled the chains off of her and helped her sit up. They had all but shredded through her clothes so he took off his tattered shirt and covered her with it. “We need to get you warm. You’re so cold.”

Sif gripped Loki’s arms tightly, “You n-need to leave.”

“That’s right. You need to leave before you get hurt more,” Loki agreed, grabbing her hand and helping her stand.

“N-No! Let m-me go!” Sif yelled at him as he grabbed her, pulling against his efforts of help.

“We have to be quiet,” Loki tried to shush her, releasing her. "Sif, please, I'm here to help you. You need to escape. You have to go back."

Sif wrapped her arms around herself. "Why haven't you escaped already?" She asked him quietly, staring up at him.

Loki swallowed hard, he felt his throat tighten like he was being strangled again. "Where would I go?' He answered softly. "Back to Asgard to be thrown in prison? You know what I did."

"You asked me to save you. You wanted me here." Sif argued, slowly standing to her feet. "Fandral was right. You've been planning something terrible again."

"I was desperate. The torture..." Loki turned away from her to take a deep breath. He stared at his arms watching the wounds slowly bind together.  _You made a deal, Loki. You've got to commit to your promise_. The voice in his head told him. He let out a shaky breath. "You need to get home. You don't belong here. You never should have come here."

"She didn't tell me what would happen here. She said you asked for my help to escape."

Loki looked back at Sif. "What do you mean?"

"She told me that she doesn't possess the ability to take people from Sanctuary, that you needed help to escape. She brought me here" Sif replied, shaking in the cold air as she leaned back against the slab of rock.

"A woman? What did she look like?" Loki inquired. 

"She wore a hood. I never saw her face." Sif answered, watching him carefully.

 _She'll die if you linger here any longer._ The voice in his head told him.  _If you go now, you can make it to the portal._

Loki's eyes widened as he recognized the voice. He turned, trying to find where Lady Death was hiding. 

_You won't find me, Loki._

He could hear footsteps approaching them from where he head came from. Loki took a step away from Sif. What if this was a trap? What if they were being watched? Loki could feel the slow building of his magic returning to his veins. There was nothing he could do right now that could be enough to save her, let alone save them both. Instinctively he began to pull at the shadows around him as he stepped back into them, surrounding himself in the darkness as he stared at Sif. He conjured a double that took his place as he stepped away, now fully enclosed in the shadows in his physical form.

The double gave her a pitying face as he apologized, “I’m so sorry. They're on their way. I can’t, Sif. Not again.”

“Loki, don’t you dare!” Sif lunged for him but she passed through the illusion, falling to the ground and crying out in pain as she did so. Loki crept away quickly and quietly, the pain in his arms and legs lessening as he healed. He looked back to see Sif clutching her arm as the illusion faded away.

Loki moved throughout the winding maze of walls in Sanctuary while the guards were sparse. He had already found three dead ends and was rounding another corner… to find another dead end. He slumped against one of the walls to breathe for a moment. All he could hear was his own breathing. Everything was quiet.

He closed his eyes, letting himself relax for the first time in… he didn’t remember the last time he had relaxed or how long it had been since then. He could feel his magic patching him up, stitching him back together. It was clear that Sif needed to be returned to Asgard, where she belonged, but what about him? Should he return to Asgard? Would they care that he reprimanded himself every day he’d been here for what had happened? Would he be allowed to return  _home_?

He opened his eyes and stared around. Would anyone else believe him that he had been through hell? The agony, the torture, the screaming-

His mind froze for a moment.

Everything was quiet.

Too quiet.

Where had all the sound gone? Hadn’t there been footsteps approaching when he was Sif before? What had happened to them?

_You can still save her. I can show you how._

The voice in his head was different this time. It was clearer, brighter, beckoning him to the dead end. His feet moved on their own accord as he stared at the wall. The wall began to shine a very bright blue causing Loki to block some of the light with his arm as he approached. He stepped through the wall’s blue light momentarily blinding him until it dissolved back into its gem. Before him was a single slab of rock with a shining scepter with a golden handle and black fitting. It contained a blue core encircled within two silver blades, one elongated over the core and a shortened blade beneath it.

He briefly considered the possibility that this was trap as his hand reached out and grabbed the scepter. Another bright blue light blinded his vision, transforming Sanctuary around him.

Everything was clearer now. His eyes- no, his mind was more open now than it had been before. He could see the truth.


	8. This ship may carry our body safe to shore

Blurred golden columns shifted into view as he blinked and rubbed away traces of sleep in his eyes. He pushed himself upright as his mind reawakened. “How did I get here?” He wondered aloud as the sight of the healing halls came into view. He closed his eyes as he tried to remember how, but all he could remember was the pain- the blinding, searing, ripping, tearing.

He opened his eyes, gripping the sheets hard enough that his knuckles turned white. Too much pain. It hurt him to even think about.

A hand gripped his shoulder causing him to whip his head around toward its source in instant fear.  The fear subsided as he looked up at Frigga. “You fell asleep again. You look much better now,” she said as she sat down beside him. She grabbed his hand, gently examining it as she turned it over in her hands. “All of your injuries have healed. You were in such a terrible state when we found you. We worried for you- Thor, Odin, and your friends.”

“You worried for me… even after I-” He trailed off softly. “I-I destroyed the Bifrost and killed…” Loki turned away from her. Frigga talked with him for a long while. It took a great deal of Frigga’s convincing to loosen him up. He was still for whatever reason unsure. It was a feeling that was lodged in his gut and it would not loosen despite his mother’s gentle voice. 

“As soon as you are healed, there will be a feast to celebrate your return to us, your family,” Frigga gave him a small smile and the worry in his head was eased. 

“Where is Sif?” He asked, trying to hide the thinly veiled concern for her well-being.

She had been there. He was sure of it. Had she brought him home? 

Frigga’s smile grew knowingly and she smoothed back his hair much as she had done when he was a smile child. “She brought you back safely. Without her, you would still be lost to us. She is still in recovery. She may be there for a few weeks.” 

Loki nodded slowly. He knew his injuries would be less severe. It was part of the deal he made. The deal. That was right. He was back now. He would have to hold up to the deal. He couldn’t dwell on that now and he wouldn’t dwell for the many days that he was in the healing hall. 

At night, he dreamt of a bright blue box. He felt like he knew what it was called, but the name was lost to him in the dreams. Every night it was the same blue box surrounded by mortals prodding and poking at it. One of the murmured something about a portal. A portal to other worlds. The dreams began to feel almost real, but that couldn’t be possible. They were dreams, weren’t they?

The feast was almost spectacular. The food and drinks were good. The music was lovely. Sif glared at him the whole time. Her plate left untouched in front of her. Loki stood carefully, mostly not to aggravate any wounds that were not completely healed. He walked over to her and sat down beside her. 

“Are you not feeling well, my lady?” He asked her as she looked away from him. 

“How could I? I am a prisoner here,” Sif spat at him, an almost hateful look in her eyes as she looked back at him.

Loki furrowed his brows in confusion, “You’re no prisoner.”

“Correction, Loki. You’re no prisoner,” Sif turned away from him and did not speak another word to him. He attempted prodding her for more information, but she would not speak with him. She wouldn’t look at him. The following weeks were just the same and he didn’t understand what was going on. She had wanted him to return to Asgard and now he was here. She was unhappy that he was here. Had she expected him to go to jail? He hid himself away in his books until Thor dragged him away from the library.

His brother convinced him that it would beneficial for Loki to come blow off some steam and spar with the others. He could feel Sif’s eyes on him the moment he stepped onto the training grounds. It was starting to annoy him that she was still watching, not saying a word. Thor was saying something to him but he wasn’t paying attention because Loki was staring back at Sif. 

Their eyes locked and the same feeling came back to his gut. The one that worried him, made him unsure. It made his heart race. It was like he could tell something was horribly, terribly wrong. 

“Fight me,” Loki said to her.

It was several long minutes before she replied. The whole training yard was quiet, eyes trained on her. She could feel all of them on her now. He wasn’t sure what had happened. He wasn’t sure that he had heard her correctly when she spoke. The Sif he knew, she was fighter for her entire life. She had fought so strongly in Sanctuary. She was a fighter. She fought everyday-

“No.”

So why was she saying no?

He said to her again, “Fight me.”

“No.” She repeated, her eyes no longer looking at Loki and instead trained on Thor. He followed her eyes, a jealously roaring against his chest. He was just as good as Thor was, just as capable as Thor was, just as willing as Thor was. Why wouldn’t she fight him? He did the only thing that would make the green envy demon in his chest calm itself, he lunged himself at her. She was unprepared for that. He knew she could take a punch or two or three. The others tried to grab him. He tried to shove their hands away, but they kept grabbing for him, pulling him away. 

Loki wasn’t sure what came over him. He had been feeling fine until the feeling in his gut had reappeared, forcing him to attack Sif. Whatever the feeling was, it wouldn’t leave him. Now it was leaving him in a state of worried panic. He snuck away from his rooms to go to the healing halls. He had to see Sif to apologize. Let her know he hadn’t meant it. Explain the situation to her. She should understand if he only explained it to her. 

Sif was staring out the window when he approached. She tossed a look his way before setting her lips into a hard line, glaring now at the stars above. Loki grabbed a container of healing salve and a rag. He could see there was a nasty looking cut on Sif’s leg. One that needed attention or else it become an infection. Loki gingerly placed the healing salve on the rag on Sif's leg. She hissed and cussed at him as he rubbed it into his wound. "I'm sorry. I know it hurts-"

"Then stop!" Sif yelled back at him with tears in her eyes. "Stop hurting me, Loki!"

"In trying to help you, Sif. Must you be so hostile towards me?" Sif cried out as he applied more of the healing salve to her wound. It only looked to get worse and worse by the minute. Sif's thrashing wasn't helping either. "Why isn't this working?" He muttered under his breath. He leaned down to look at the wound when Sif connected her knee with his head. He stumbled back, gripping his head as pain exploded from the hit. "Damn Sif." He pulled his free hand from head to touch the spot she had hit gingerly. He stared at the blood on his fingers. Had she really hit him that hard? A knot began to twist in his stomach. He clenched his fist tighter around the handle... handle? He looked down at his other hand, the knife covered in blood as well dripping down onto his hand. He dropped it immediately as if it had scalded his fingers. While he scuttled back away from it, the gold of Asgard began to disappear from around him, melting back into cold hard jagged rock. The knot in his stomach tightened harden and a sharp pain lurched in his chest as he looked back to Sif.

_No. No. No. No._ His head repeated over and over. She was tied down to a slab of rock, still thrashing against her confinements as her leg bled from her wound. All the blood drained from his face and he felt colder than ever before. He wanted to scream but something caught in his throat. It was an illusion. All of it so that they could trick him into- his stomach lurched and he threw up off to one side. Tears formed in his eyes as he coughed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He looked back at Sif, still trying to escape. He pushed himself up shakily and headed back to her slowly. The bile threatened to climb back up his throat as he stared down at Her, tears formed in his eyes as he took in each cut and wound that he must have caused. With shaky hands, he undid the clasps that bound her and she lunged for him once she was free.

The two of them tumbled into the ground as she hit him with her fists repeatedly. "You bastard! I trusted you!" Loki covered his head after her fists collided with his nose and teeth. Sif hit him with all her strength she had.

Loki attempted to grab Sif's wrists for a moment, so that he could explain himself. She kept hitting him to no avail and he finally threw out his hand hoping to find some sort of rock to momentarily stun her with. His hand felt the jagged edge... of a handle? He wrapped his hands around it and pulled it in front of them, the blue light blinding Sif and yielding her rage momentarily. Loki looked up to see the blue gem on the dagger's handle pulsating between them before it transformed into the crooked scepter he had found earlier. Sif froze as the tip was pointed at her chest. Loki met her eyes, tears spilling out, " I'm so sorry. You were right. We should have escaped when we had the chance the first time. Now we've got another chance and I'm not going to waste it."

"I'm not going anywhere with you." Sif spat at him, her fingers tightening again into a fist.

"Sif, please we have to go." Loki pleaded with her. 

"No! You'll only betray me again. I can't trust you." Tears began to form in her eyes. What was he playing at? One moment ago, he was carving her up and now he was begging her. None of this made any sense.

"Sif, please! I promise you-"

"And I'm supposed to believe you?! Why should I!? You've already abandoned me here once, Loki."

"I won't again. I will swear it on my mother. Please... You've got to believe me."

"I can't-"

Loki interrupted her quickly, more tears falling from his eyes. He needed her to believe him and perhaps the truth would be the only way out. "I prefer the color green! I... I like those roasted potatoes that Hogun makes on Vanaheim. I would follow you to the end of the universe, Sif because I- I... loved you well when we were young-"

"More lies-"

Loki grabbed the side of her face and pressed his lips against hers. Sif froze against him until he pulled away. "-And I still do even now." He felt his face flush under her gaze. He had laid himself vulnerable to her just like he had in the past when Thor and the Warriors Three would ask him to come on some ridiculous adventure. He could tell them no all day long but she would come just to bat her eyelashes at him and he was at her mercy.  "I promise you alone Sif that I will never lie to you again. Knowing you've gone through the same torture I have, I couldn't. I wouldn't be able to." He was at her mercy again now, but he spoke the truth. That's what mattered. It was the only thing that mattered. He pushed the scepter into her hands. "Kill me if you must, but you know you won't be able to get out of here alive without me."

Sif's fingers tightened around the handle as he released it, a wash of blue light covered her and she closed her eyes.

* * *

 

When Sif opened her eyes, she could not remember how she had gotten to the healing hall. Her body ached as she stretched her limbs. The cold air greeted her as she pushed herself up on her shaky arms. It was then that she noticed they were wrapped as were her legs and hands and abdomen. 

The cool breeze came from the open door on the opposite side of the room. She carefully swung her legs over the side of the bed, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders before she slowly stood and headed across the room to the door. She quietly padded around the healing hall, searching for a healer to help with the dull ache in her bones when she heard a commotion behind the door to the private wing of the Healing Hall. Sif pulled the door open quietly, peeking inside to see what was going on. Someone, a patient, was moving wildly on the bed. Sif stepped into the room, closing the door behind her.

"Settle down, you're fine. You're safe." Eir tried to softly say to her patient thrashing about on one of the beds.

"No... Let me go." The patient rasped and Sif moved forward into the room. From what she could see, there were bandages wrapped around his arm tightly, but Eir and Dagny were holding him against the bed. Sif froze in her steps.

"Dagny, grab the medicine please. We need to sedate him before he injures his arm any further." Eir ordered her assistant. The assistant turned and saw Sif standing beside the door.

Dagny headed over to Sif, "You can't be in here right now. You need to be resting." She explained to her softly, and grabbed her arm to escort her from the room.

Panic filled Sif instantly as her arm was grabbed. Instantly, she shoved Dagny off of her. "Let me go!" Memories began to flood her mind- all of the torture she had undergone in Sanctuary creeped back and filled her with dread. "Stay away from me!" She stumbled backwards, keeping an eye on Dagny. They had used this trick before, letting her think she was "safe" and then beginning the torture again.

"Sif, you're alright. You were rescued by your friends. They saved you." Dagny told her, taking a tentative step forward.

"No! Stop it! Stop torturing us!" She yelled at the assistant before the patient's crying caught her attention. She ran over to him and pulled Eir away from him. "You leave him alone! Just let us go!" She shoved her away from the both of them.

"Sif, you're not well." Eir began to explain but the patient grabbed Sif's arm and she shrieked, turning to look at him.

They stared at each other in horror as Loki's eyes met Sif's. She couldn't help but look at him, his arms covered in clean new bandages and slightly soaked red ones. He looked badly beaten up. She could see his nose had been broken. There was a cut on his cheek and another on his lip as well. His hair was longer, mangy, and unkempt. "You're here. You're really here." He whispered hoarsely and tears began to well up in his eyes. "I thought you were a ghost while they...I thought..." The tears fell from his eyes and he squeezed her arm tighter. He was cold, like he always was.

Loki. Could he really be alive?

"Is it...Is it really Loki?" She turned toward Eir for confirmation. The nurse nodded her head gently and Sif had to sit on the edge of the bed to keep herself from falling. She wasn't crazy. He was alive. He was real. "You're real." She whispered to him, cupping his face and resting her forehead against his. "You're real. You're here."

"I'm here. I'm here." He echoed back to her, grabbing her hand and holding it tightly. “You saved us both.”  He shook slightly, a shiver running up his spine, and that is when Sif began to sob. She buried her head against his chest, letting the tears fall freely. Loki wrapped an arm around her, rubbing small circles into her back. “We’re here. We’re safe now, Sif.”

“I thought I saw you die.” She cried into his chest, squeezing his hand hard.

“I’m a lot harder to kill than that,” he rasped, wishing desperately for a glass of water.

She sniffed as she raised her head to look at him, “Don’t you dare do that to me again, you fool.”  

“Never. I’ll never let any harm come to you.” He promised her as wiped away a tear from her cheek. Sif gave him a weak smile before pressing her lips against his cheek.

“You too need to get some rest. The Allfather and Allmother will want to speak to you both in the morning,” Eir spoke, bringing them back to the reality of the healing hall. Sif pulled away from Loki hurriedly, feeling warmth rise to her cheeks. “Back to your respective beds.”

“N-no.” Loki argued, adjusting his space in the bed as he made room for Sif. “I need her- I need her right here with me. It’ll help me rest.” Eir stared at the two in the room before leaving with her assistant. Er feet was restless and she felt the need to move so Sif began to pace. Sif paced and forth restlessly until a soft whistling brought her out of her thoughts. She looked over to see Loki. But he wasn't there, he was a ghost again and the version of him on the bed was gone. Sif walked over to him. He seemed so sad. "You're not real." She murmured.

"I'm sorry." He apologized with a light shake of his head. Were those tears?

"What are you sorry about?" She asked distracted by the tears. Why was he crying?

"I didn't want to hurt you again." Loki murmured, stepping toward her. 

"What do you mean?" She inquired. Her mind wondered what he meant by again. He was barely a foot away when he stopped in front of her. He looked down at his hand and she looked down too. She saw his fist swing upwards but it was too late to dodge as it collided with her head.

Pain exploded in her head. Something wasn't right here. She looked down at her hand. As she tightened her grip on a knife with a bright blue gem in the handle- Sif let go of it. It dropped to the ground as she met Loki's eyes. An illusion. Had he succumbed to one as well and then... She shivered as the thought crept into her mind.  Sif looked at the tears running down his face for a moment before she closed her eyes. He had been subjected to this for weeks. Illusions to drop his guards, to drop hers. 

They had wanted him to think he had gotten out, that they had run away from this place. 

“Take us home,” she whispered shakily to him, tears forming in her eyes as she opened her eyes and looked at him. 

“I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to get us home, Sif,” Loki agreed, resting his hands on his lap. Sif felt the sudden need to make sure he was here and whole, not a ghost to her. Her hands reached for his, lingering atop them for a moment before squeezing his. 

He pulled her away from whatever torture chamber they were on. He was going to hide them for the night. The small little alcove was hidden away from the aliens. They probably thought that with Loki on their side, they could leave him mostly unattended. Loki brought along the scepter, citing that it could be of use to them. 

Sif worried throughout the night. Sleep was of little comfort to her right now, but she did feel tired as she listened to Loki breathe. Part of her wanted to make sure he was actually here, really breathing beside her and not some figment from her imagination. The Ghost of him was far too often for her liking. She wanted to make sure that he wasn’t going to disappear on her again, betray her again. 

Sif curled her arm around Loki’s chest, the steady movements of his chest and the feel of him beneath her arm reassured her. He was here. They were together. It was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay.

* * *

 

Loki stirred gently as he awoke, an arm curled around him tighter causing him to pause. Sif was curled up against him, her arm thrown over his chest, her legs entwined with his. She had searched for comfort in him even in this barren wasteland. He knew what the dream he had experience were now. 

The Tesseract. 

He only remembered seeing it as a child, but that shiny blue box could be nothing else. Whatever this scepter was, it had a connection to the Tesseract. Someone was trying to open a portal. One that could be opened both way, but the mortals of Midgard lacked the power to make it a big enough portal. Only one of them could go through the portal. Only one of them could retrieve the Tesseract from Midgard. With the Bifrost still destroyed, Sif would be unable to return home. The Tesseract could return her though if she could retrieve it but she would be unable to live with the sacrifices and consequences that it would take to retrieve it and fulfill her wish of bringing him home. She would not abandon him here, not with no way of returning. She could not and would not sully her good name to retrieve him from Sanctuary.

It would have to be him. He would have to open the portal. He was the only one who could go to Midgard, retrieve the Tesseract, and open a portal to Sanctuary in order to bring her home. He was the only one who could do it. At this moment, he could not bear to part from her, to leave her behind here for even a moment. 

A decision had to be made. It would have to be Sif or it would have to be him.

 


End file.
